Im getting fucking high.
Dont send me roses sayigng Forever & Always if I told you its over for good. Its just pissing me off royally.
This is one of the roughest weeks I’ve had in a long time. First, this stupid useless Coop that will get me nowhere makes me depressed. I also quit smoking this week, and decided to cut down a lot on the weed, since I am a burnout, and I hate it. And then Thursday night, I ended the relationship I’ve had for the past 2 years and 2 months with my boyfriend. It had to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Now all I wanna do is cry, cry, cry.
I still love him, but not enough. I will miss him and his family/friends terribly, but I think I made the right choice. I mean, do you think its fair to be with someone that doesn’t love you as much as she is supposed to? No, its not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is losing love for me, would you? But he doesn’t understand that. He wants an other chance. I’m trying to explain to him that I don’t have control over my feelings. I tried to change them but it didn’t work out. Its not him the problem, its me. I’ve given myself many chances, because its been a while that I started to feel this way. We have control over our brain, not over our heart. It has a mind of its own. And if I don’t have control over my feelings, neither does he. But he is so optimistic that I’m coming back, and its killing me. He is so hurt.. He wanted to get engage this year and move out with me, he was so sure we were forever..
I’m just so confused. Feels like the only way I’ll be fine is if I run away, but that’s no good solution. Thank you friends for being there for me, I don’t know what I’d be without you.